I don't know if every pregnant person feels this way, but I can be going about my day perfectly fine when suddenly I'm hungry. And I don't mean 'hmmm, perhaps I'll grab a nibble of something when I come upon something tasty'. No, it immediately progresses to 'perhaps I'll eat my arm off'. As a result I generally carry a snack with me, in case of an emergency, tucked in a pocket of my purse. I bring my purse nearly everywhere, except to the grocery store.
So, at the grocery today, in the last aisle before looping around and grabbing some things from the deli and my lunch, I turn ravenous. I'm wondering what I can eat in my cart since I don't have my purse with me. I'm in a store of food and I'm suddenly STARVING! I think to myself, 'Colleen calm down, calmly go get the remaining items and head home'. So I swing back around to the deli, initially skipped over because there were about 20 people hovering when I walked by the first time. There are still a lot of people but I need the deli today because for some reason the pre-sliced procsuitto isn't available. So I get a number- number 18. I look around at the swarm of people near the deli and wonder how long the line is when the call out 'Number 10'. Oh god, I'm going to starve at the GROCERY store. Oh what a headline that will make 'Pregnant woman starves to death waiting in the deli line'. So I look again in my cart and there still isn't anything I can munch on. I walk over to where the pre-sliced procsuitto wasn't about 25 minutes earlier and it's still not there. So I decide I'll skip the deli. I'll come back after work or something later this week.
I proceed over to the pizza area where I had planned to buy a chicken and broccoli stromboli. But there are no strombolis to be seen? I ask the young man behind the counter. They will be ready in 15 minutes. FIFTEEN MINUTES? Oh god, so I grumble ok and go scavenging the pre-made food but there is nothing good so I decide to get a slice of pizza. I grab the pizza and head over to the check out. There are several lines of people that are 5-6 deep. But I spy an aisle where there is only 1 person in line. Jackpot!
So as I begin to feel weak and cranky from my starvation I put my items on the belt. And the belt is moving oh-so-slowly and I realize I am in line of the slowest checkout clerk on Earth. She's chatting with the customer and not bagging the groceries. The customer isn't bagging either, she's writing a check (who writes checks at the grocery store anymore?) I impatiently wait, stick out the tummy a little bit to see if I can get any sympathy and try to get the line going but nope, slow as molasses.
Then it's my turn! Thank god! So I give her my card and a coupon and take my place at the end of the belt to bag my own groceries. She sends the first item down the belt and then turns to bag it.!?!? HELLO! I'm standing right here. So I tell Pokey-the-slow-poke to just send them down the belt, I'll bag them. She stops and asks if I want her to take the food out of the bag she just put it in. I said 'no, just go back to scanning!' I didn't yell, but I wasn't polite. So we get all the groceries bagged, and then my grapes fall out of the bag onto the floor. They remain in the flimsy plastic bag but by now I'm pissed. I just want to get home so I can wash the freaking grapes and devour them. I consider opening the pizza box and begin eating it right there in line but I don't. So then she tells me the total and I ask about the coupon b/c it did not appear to take the price down on the one item. But she already pressed some button and was taking forever looking at the stupid slip and by now it's too late. I've silently declared her incompetent and curse her under my breath. She says I need to go to customer service to resolve this. Grrrrr.
So I head to customer service, contemplating just forgetting the $4 I could save with the coupon but ALAS there is no one in line! So the girl gives me $4 and as I head past Pokey and out the door, just as I'm exiting the store the grape tomatoes fall out of the bag and onto the floor and roll all over the place. So I leave my cart in the doorway and walk over to a bagger boy and say with the most pitiful voice ever, fighting back tears, 'I just made a mess by the door'. So I sigh and consider that I just lost $3 of those $4 because of my spilled tomatoes but I just need to get the heck out of there so I can EAT! And the bagger boy asks if I want some more. I whine 'yes'. So he goes and gets another package for me while another comes and picks up the stupid rolling-around tomatoes. (No, I didn't attempt to clean them up, I was too hungry and mentally exhausted and I believe if I did begin I would have just sat down and cried, right there, in the doorway of Big Y). Someone brings me back some tomatoes (perhaps even the same ones that rolled all over the floor, who knows?) and I head out to my car, pathetically pack the car, slump into the drivers seat and head home.
Sometimes I just HATE the grocery store.